Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge – Episode 5

Man! Last week I was very busy writing a sloppy-kiss love letter to both Lovecraft and myself, so I didn’t actually comment on any of the things I actually liked. But rest assured, they were there! I liked the episode just descending into that lovely piano part for a full minute or so – most shows are too frenetic about their pacing to let a moment simply breathe, and I thought that song was honestly a much more natural fit for this show’s lighting and color choices than the usual histrionic Greek choir and death-organs. I liked the (admittedly unintentional) parodies of classic high school reconciliation scenes with the fish-woman (am I allowed to keep calling her that OOC?). And mainly, as always, I liked how goddamn weird everything was.

Admittedly, I spend the vast majority of my time laughing at how ridiculous everything is. But it’s… well, it’s sincere, at least. It really does want to tell its alternately bizarre and maudlin little story. Sure, most of the characters are simplistic devices, and the scenario couldn’t make less sense, and the writer’s grasp of storytelling cliches is so inept they almost universally turn into unintentional comedy, and it occasionally seems more of a vehicle for the writer’s sexual hangups than anything else… but I think there’s definitely a kind of honesty there, and I feel the original writer really did care about his endearingly weird little world. And that’s something I can appreciate.

Let’s tear it the fuck apart.

Episode 5

1:23 – I love how for once these standard absurd OP lyrics actually seem literally appropriate. She physically couldn’t move? Sure. His creaking heart could be heard for miles? Yeah, I’ll buy that. No problem.

2:47 – The joke is… boobs? Is… is that a joke? Or is it just boobs because boobs

3:47 – I guess this is fishgirl’s moe impression. Pretty good, I barely noticed her crack-addict eyes

4:45 – Oh man, this is actually great. Remember all that weird adolescent sex stuff that I find so strangely fascinating? Here’s another awesomely resonant parallel – teenagers sneaking off from camp to get all PG-13 together, except here’s it’s to cut her hair because lewd

5:17 – “I can’t wait for tomorrow.” “For the stargazing, or when we *murder the Hair Queen?!?” “The stargazing, of course. The visibility up here is just lovely.”

5:46 – A riding crop?!? Wait, the PIG MASTER?! Damnit Crime Edge, you’re stealing all the best ideas!

6:02 – “Fell victim to the Pig Master.” Welp, I know what my epitaph’s gonna be.

7:02 – Uhh… guuuys… is this… is this even a metaphor any… nope, this is just sex.

8:20 – “Don’t you girls like stars and shit?” Ever the romantic, Kiri-kun

So I’m still unsure what, if anything, this show actually has to say. I joked about it last episode, but it’s just so weird how the main pair use the hair as a metaphor for young love/sex, but everyone else is… well, just actually fucking each other. It’ll be kind of disappointing if there’s never any point aside from, “yay kinky sexy times.” But I guess this is the kinky sexy ride I signed up for…

9:31 – The Hair Queen is thinking about playing the field?!?! So what, Kiri-kun’s her, her manservant? Her hair paramour? Hairamour? Sorry.

11:37 – This actually is a pretty weird choice. Deliberately separating the sex metaphor from their actual relationship… hm. On the one hand, this does open up the door for more hilarious hair-courtship metaphors. On the other, it probably actually implies we’re in for a whole bushel of love triangle bullshit. My excitement is palpable

21:02 – “I was just… wondering what… he was doing tonight.” Time from prediction of cliched plot device to actual appearance of said plot device: 12 seconds. New record!

12:59 – I was about to ask, “Does the absurd nature of this show make me more or less entertained by these high school rival mundanities?” and then the red-headed upperclassman with a predilection for whips and swinery was introduced to the sound of screeching ridiculous organs and I got my answer

14:09 – “How do we explain their relationship?” “Fuck it, childhood friend ’em.” “But didn’t we just use…” “CHILDHOOD FRIENDS.”

14:51 – Class Pres’s diabolical plan hurtles into action as he callously scolds Kiri for oversleeping

15:20 – Okay, here’s a good way they can use this relationship development. Kiri going in mental circles about their varying expectations about the relationship, and chastising himself for assuming too much? Classic young, tentative relationship material. More of this and I’m totally down with Hair Queen’s fickle, tempestuous ways

16:20 – “They all want the same thing.” I hear that. Real talk with pig-girl.

18:00 – So their plan to kill her involves taking her out into the middle of a lake, pushing her out of the boat,rescuing her, bringing her back to the lodge, and leaving a hurtful note on her door?


21:20 – This section is playing in some super weird and very sensitive sexual assault space, but it’s definitely heartening that this conflict is currently being entirely handled by Iwai. There’s nothing actually offensive here, she’s actually kicking ass and taking names… and it’s kind of amazing to me that Crime Edge of all shows is providing a positive example of female agency and her right to control her own body. Full of surprises!

And Done

Well, shit! I’m legitimately excited to see what happens next. So I guess we kinda know the structure now – it’s basically a series of shonen battles against various Author/Insteads and their sexy, sexy Goods. I can’t believe no one thought of this completely batshit insane idea before now!

By the way, to anyone disappointed I didn’t try some new bizarre formatting experiment this week, I offer my sincerest apologies.

See you next week.