Hello everyone, and welcome the fuck back to Wrong Every Time. Today we’re barreling back into Symphogear, as this preposterously entertaining franchise soars towards its grand finale. When last we left off, Noble Red had made yet another last stand against our wielders, prompting the episode’s supremely awkward title, “Not a Crude Color of Rust.” Their unfortunate crew actually scored a victory in terms of their mission goals, but Elsa paid the bill for that success, by getting caught in an oversized transforming bear trap. That’s the tricky thing about fighting the symphogears – their powers are basically only limited by their imagination, so you never know when Hibiki or whoever is going to wipe a tear from their eye and then transform into a giant punch-happy dragon.

With only three episodes to go, I’m expecting the action to be nearly continuous from here on out, as each of our leads gets their big goddamn hero moment in turn. Symphogear knows well that there’s hardly a hair of distinction between “success” and “excess,” and given how ludicrously bombastic its prior endings have gotten, I can’t imagine what’s in store for its final finale. My harness is secured and the lap bar is firmly fastened, so let’s get this rollercoaster rolling!

Episode 11

“In the Beginning Was The Word.” GodDAMN does that title go hard. Symphogear titles generally tend to seek a blend of vague pomposity and ominous intent, and there’s no better source for that blend than the actual bible. Plus, this title actually ties in with Symphogear’s consistent focus on the Curse of Balal and its various repercussions. I almost want to subtract points for it actually making sense, but I’ve gotta give this one the full five ‘Bikis out of five

We open on a ferocious battle between two figures we’ve never seen before, one of which is quickly identified as the original Shem-ha. I feel like this Shem-ha design leans even further into Symphogear’s Nanoha origins than usual

I try to pay as little attention as possible to the variable sourcing of Symphogear’s ridiculous lore, but having the final villain’s name be drawn from the Judaic tradition of God’s “true name” is indeed a nice way to link them into Symphogear’s overall focus on lost methods of communication

And her opponent is Enki, an ancient Sumerian god

Impressive post-processing filters for this beam attack. Symphogear has lasted so long as a franchise that it’s actually lived through multiple eras of action animation convention, happily embracing the more prominent digital effects of modern (animated) beam weaponry

“You sacrificed your arm to save your life!?” A cheeky callback to Symphogear’s first season, back when the show made a point of ending every episode with an end-of-the-world cliffhanger to immediately take back

Ah right, our team had just gotten teleported to the moon. Welp, Noble Red really fucked that one up after all

Kinda struck by my own nonchalant response to this turn of events. Normally getting teleported to the moon would be a big deal, but this is Symphogear, so this is actually like their fourth or fifth moonwalk

“Then the issue at hand is finding a way to bring them back.” Dude, you know they’re just gonna unlock some new power form that lets them breathe in space or whatever. Don’t stress yourself out about it

Tsubasa is still feeling unsure of herself, and so Maria gives her a serious talking-to, complete with the most savage forehead flick Tsubasa has ever received

“My goodness, you’re ridiculous sometimes.” These two are such a wonderful couple. It makes perfect sense that the forehead flick has become one of Tsubasa’s defining gimmicks, considering how impossible it often is to get anything through her skull

Apparently the strain of traveling to the moon was so great it blew out Vanessa’s teleport gem, and also Elsa’s tail

Always a fan of these cool geometric moon ruins. Feels like I’m playing Perfect Dark again or something

Gosh, Hibiki is so cool. She started out as such a dork, and she still is such a dork, but her current transformation sequence feels like a celebration of what a genuine badass she’s become – a martial arts expert, and in total command of that awesome billowing scarf. Capes are out, billowing scarves are in

The moon ruins helpfully provide hundreds of defense robots, serving as replacements for our usual Noise. Symphogear battles are kind of like Dynasty Warriors battles – there’s always gotta be dozens of fodder enemies to casually smash through

Chris gets momentarily preoccupied with the moral significance of what they’re doing, and unsurprisingly gets bonked in the back for it. That’s what you get for considering the morality of your actions, Chris!

Even Chris admits that Hibiki is just too fucking cool

“Shaking with ecstasy.” I kinda love how, in keeping with her general focus on clarity of communication, Shem-ha literally announces each of her emotions

While everyone else fights for their lives, Maria and Tsubasa are enjoying a peaceful guided tour of the ruins. It seems these ruins are big fans of Maria’s wielder crystal

They run into the ruins’ Enki-based OS

“This is the core of the network jammer Balal.” So the “curse of Balal” is actually a system designed to prevent Shem-ha’s influence from spreading? Sure, let’s go with it

“My echolocation is picking up two moving bodies.” Of course Milaarc, being bat-themed, naturally has powers of echolocation. They had way too much fun designing Noble Red

“Humanity’s brain was strengthened in order to allow them to function as a biological calculation terminal group for the Yggdrasil planetary environmental modification group.” Of COURSE! It’s so obvious now!

“By transforming herself into a language, Shem-ha became capable of lurking within every system, and thus impossible to destroy.” 

“Shem-ha is now a data fragment which continues to exist within all of humanity’s genetic information.” Symphogear unmatched when it comes to bullshit lore-building. Most shows would blush at introducing even one of these absurd reality-reframing contrivances, but Symphogear marches straight through “humanity was designed as a supercomputer, your enemy is now a language, and that language is also human DNA” without even flinching

“Thus we created Network Jammer Balal, to separate humanity that had been united by its one language, and seal Shem-ha.” Right right, the only sensible solution

Oh wow, fantastic animation for Maria and Tsubasa versus Milaarc. I love the energy of Milaarc’s movement versus the camera, as she pulls back and draws in for hyper-closeups, emphasizing her frantic speed

Yeah, they really do some uniquely interesting stuff with Milaarc. Her fight scenes are all about the contrast between her graceful, high-speed flight and her punishing physical hits, which the production visually conveys through her diving forward and away from the camera like some kind of fighter jet making attack passes

Milaarc reveals first that she can become a cloud of bats, then that she can separate herself into two full bodies, which each promptly fling themselves crotch-first at their enemies

“Remember the first time we sang together! The song that connected us!” LESBIAN COMBO ATTACK LET’S GOOOOO

“Let’s see you expose your bare self, glistening on the battlefield!” Oh my god Maria

Ahaha, the look they share after the battle. I love this show for so gleefully reveling in these relationships

But there’s no time to celebrate – Yggdrasil is erupting all over the world!

And Done

GodDAMN is this show a good time. Symphogear has been pledging to get more thrilling, more beautiful, and more over-the-top from basically its first episode, and five seasons in, that promise is still being fulfilled anew with each fresh episode. This episode was absurdly generous in terms of its action setpieces, with Hibiki, Tsubasa, and Maria all getting phenomenal cuts, along with some great Milaarc material. And it did that while also finding time for our last flourish of absurd exposition, at last revealing the full and wonderfully preposterous nature of our final villain. Plus Maria got to flirt more shamelessly than ever, and it seems like Tsubasa actually parsed her intent! A great victory for our sword lesbians, and a wildly entertaining episode on the whole.

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