Category Archives: Episode Writeup

Attack on Titan – Episode 16

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Yep, picking this up again, again. What I’ve seen/heard about this recent arc seems far more interesting and dynamic than Trost, and this show just works better when you watch at least a couple episodes at a time. It doesn’t make its’ flaws go away, but it does make the show more enjoyable in spite of them. But enough negativity – new arc, new characters, and this time we’re working with actual professional Titan-killers, so it should be much less “let’s all die as slowly as possible so Eren can get shit done” than I was worried about. Let’s fighting!

Episode 16

2:17 – “Whoever did it must have really hated the Titans.” You never were the smart one, Connie…

And then of course Armin agrees with him, proving no-one in this show is actually the smart one.

3:30 – These quiet moments with the team are generally my favorites of the series (which might betray the fact that I’m probably not the right person to be critiquing Titan, of all things)

4:06 – “Not everyone can be like you.” Don’t knock your lack of shounen protagonism, Jean. It makes you the best character in the series

4:49 – That expression. Courage isn’t a lack of fear, it’s acting in spite of it

5:54 – “There’s a time and place where people are morally obligated to lay down their lives.” Not that humanity here has really been portrayed as a race worth protecting

6:45 – And there’s the murder-mystery angle. I’ve been liking this second half significantly more than the first so far – the characters actually have a little grounding now, there’s more going on, and each plot thread is moving forward in a way that changes the variables of the world and characters. But again, I find stuff like Levi’s guitar-solo-Titan-slaying introduction actively tedious, so that might just be me

6:59 – “I wonder if there’s anyone crazy enough to join us.” “Hey Eren! You’re crazy, wadda you think?”

8:23 – It’s like that scene in Starship Troopers where the protagonist is now the grizzled sergeant talking to the new recruits, except this isn’t a subversive indictment of jingoistic war fetishism and that comparison doesn’t make any sense

8:30 – “Unlike some dumbfucks, I ain’t got no death drive.” For this show, I actually appreciate Commie’s bullshit

10:26 – “We have the key to discovering the Titans’ true nature.”Don’t listen that dumbfuck Armin, I actually love it when this show’s leaders use a little propaganda or mob-riling for the greater good

12:13 – “Most of you who join will die. Likely slowly, almost certainly horribly. Those who survive will watch the first group as they are dying. Most of this second group will then die.” Man, he really knows how to sell ‘em

13:31 – Man, I was wondering if they’d actually switched directors for a couple episodes there. Nope!

15:15 – I actually find this show’s goofy, bipolar sense of humorpretty endearing

15:58 – “Strangely, Eren’s position was nowhere to be found.” Adding the possibility of some kind of traitor really does make this more interesting

16:40 – “This mission may have a secret objective…” You don’t say! This should be fun

17:28 – Commie contain yourselves.

17:36 – Okay this is getting out of hand. Switching back to subs written by adults after this…

And Done

Fine episode. It was a board-arranger, but it arranged the board pretty effectively, and there was plenty of Jean. I’m honestly not sure what I’m supposed to believe convinced the recruits to join the death squad – it made it clear they were all scared out of their wits, but the only motivation I’m really seeing beyond Marco’s effect on Jean and Mikasa’s motivation is “somebody’s gotta do it!” I guess that’s the best you can do in an action show with an ensemble cast, but it’s not all that satisfying. But this episode still moved well and drew the players together for the next act, so overall it was a serviceable if unremarkable episode

Gatchaman Crowds – Episode 5

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No time for frivolities this week! Rui’s having a breakdown! Joe is in trouble! The ideas are brewing and the plot’s speeding forward and every character has had a dash of elaboration. Screw Titan, this is the adventure spectacle of the season.

Episode 5

0:09 – This is amazing.  Again, it’s so rare to see a show this narratively sharp and idea-driven still have such a sense of goofy fun

0:12 – Pai’s tiny chair is also panda-colored . This is also just a great domestic moment. They are a very silly family

0:16 – “Should we spend an episode having them discover the link between the assaults and the alien?” “Nah, let’s just have Hajime infer it in a few seconds. ”

1:13 – “Why are we hiding? What do we have to hide?”  Pretty funny how people were calling Hajime a dumb protagonist – her chipper, flighty exterior has the other characters fooled, but I don’t think her smarts are supposed to fly over the audience’s head

1:35 – I love how even her established default response  plays into her preference of empowering every individual as opposed to simply melding into a larger structure

1:48 – Pai casually draws the note from his panda-pants 

2:29 – D’s avatar also has great heels 

2:55 – “The broken child will finally reveal itself to us.” Finally. Rui and Hajime are gonna have the best talks

3:27 – Ahh, this OP. This show is so tightly stuffed with good craft and good ideas. It’s only a couple shows a season that actually impress me, but goddamn are those shows impressive

4:49 – Uh oh 

6:33 – That’s a nice sentiment,  but…

7:04 – “You want to get all the credit, don’t you?”  It’s interesting seeing Rui’s idealism be misunderstood by someone who fundamentally can’t understand his values (and instead speaks constantly in terms of who gets individual credit for accomplishments), but the real problem here is that GALAX being a truly collective power is an absolute lie, and thus Rui’s own values don’t really apply to it. I want to see him answer that complaint

7:43 – It is a pretty serious difference in worldviews 

8:29 – There it is.  He couldn’t have more disdain for this man’s perspective

9:05 – Are you having fun right now?  Shades of Hajime here. She brought up a similar (and similarly vague) interpretation of her preferred form of interaction at the scrapbooking get-together

9:36 – “It is a joy that comes from within, innate to mankind, unrelated to material riches.” We are getting some thesis statement stuff right here. So now the show’s taking a step up to mankind’s capacity to philosophize and imagine a better future versus mankind’s innate self-interest and emotional weakness?

11:08 – He will impose selflessness upon them whether they like it or not 

11:52 – “You think Rui’s the ideal angel here? Well fuck you,  here’s his opponent sharing a nice moment with his daughter. Rui’s not perfect, he’s just young enough to have never made a real compromise. It’s easy to embrace absolutes when you have nothing at stake.”

Man I love this show

12:53 – Can you carry it all, Rui? 

14:12 – Hajime finds it somewhat alarming nobody considered this 

15:14 – Hajime still seems to be acting as the “correct” viewpoint here.  As opposed to demanding connection from above, she creates it on the individual human level. This show’s ideas are moving so fast I can’t even guesshow they’ll complicate things for her, but having an actually didactic viewpoint in a show like this seems unimaginable, considering how much they’re complicating everything else

15:32 – “You’re acting all feminine, but you totally shoot guns when you have to, right?”  Jee, who else  do we know like that?

21:17 – “Aren’t there times when you find yourself taking action without even thinking about it?” Like her running to help before checking the mediating level of GALAX earlier – which, ironically, is probably the subconscious human goodness Rui wants to be harnessing

And Done

Oh MAN! DAMN that was great! I have NO FUCKING CLUE where they’re aiming this! That is an AWESOME feeling! This episode was largely “Rui’s ideals versus reality,” which resulted in some solid drama… but it’s not like Hajime’s values work outside of Hajime’s immediate vicinity, either. Her ideas of virtue only really apply to herself, since she is the only person like herself, and she is not an executable system. The writing is still incredibly sharp in this show, so I’m basically only concerning myself with the ideas, since they’re integrated and elaborated with incredible grace. Rui’s philosophy still seems contradictory, since collective intelligence and collective social consciousness isn’t really the same when it has an all-powerful ruler. Hajime still hasn’t made any mistakes, but it’s not like I want her to have an emotional breakdown or something – this show elaborates its characters efficiently, but making the story about their arcs would dilute the thematic focus, when the thematic focus is actually everything in this show. I dunno. It’s hard to put in words. This show is fantastic.

C3-bu – Episode 6

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Welp, the comments aren’t promising, but I guess these characters are likable enough, and Gainax still does some fine work with character animation. It’s not much, but on the other hand, Gatchaman Crowds isn’t out yet. Lez do it.

Episode 6

0:21 – The crippling sweets-addiction at the heart of all moe SoL isbrutally revealed

0:40 – Oshit, are Yura’s delusions contagious?

2:21 – Directly addressing this silliness is cute, but it’s still making a joke about something that was already a joke

4:21 – Gainax still do know their way around a silly gag

5:57 – Flag-dancing, adventures in America, the war… Kanbaru has a lot to be nostalgic about

6:58 – They do use Yura’s insecurity pretty well, and her overcompensating need to prove her value will almost certainly (in fact there’s no “almost” about it, the direction cues make it obvious) lead to a pretty organic conflict when directly clashed against Kanbaru’s kinda contradictory attitude towards what they’re doing (play to have fun, but no surrendering, apparently). That’s pretty standard character conflict, but “standard character conflict” based out of inherent character history and personality is actually a lot better than what anime often resort to for conflict. I’d still prefer that “Yura can actually change the goddamn world” angle, though, even if this is more in line with the sports/SoL-juggling genre we’re working with

7:55 – The fuck did Kanbaru get this immense target-shooting machine? Jeez, her war buddy connections run deep

8:16 – Yeah, sure

9:48 – Yeah, I guess if they run with Yura’s issues in a satisfying way, this show can still hold its’ own. Focusing on a character with deeply-felt anxieties (and clashing her with a character who has her own issues, but a very different way of dealing with them) basically knocks out a great deal of my usual complaints with SoL – the lack of relatable characters, the absence of any narrative hook, and the idolizing of a fantastical “untroubled world” where every day is Himari Day

11:17 – Gainax you’re drunk gimme the keys

13:01 – Fleeced by dat moe

13:15 – Honoka is kinda stealing this episode with her shameless embrace of capitalism

14:00 – Gainax seriously it’s three in the morning put down the phone

14:25 – We’re really keeping it classy today

17:06 – By all means

18:36 – Excellent. I think this whole sequence was fantastically done. Not only was it just a nice visual/aural setpiece (the crackly vocal effects were a nice touch), but they also doubled on perspective by framing the shots from Kanbaru’s viewpoint but the world itself from Yura’s perspective, implying both of their interpretations of the moment without an actual word wasted. That was a damn fucking good piece of directing right there

And Done

Hm. Well, it’s not getting ambitious in the way I’d hoped, and on the face of it that was no more than the school fair episode following the beach episode, but it certainly had its’ moments. This show is a pretty high-caliber (lulz) version of a thing I normally don’t really care about, but it actually gives me more to talk about than I would expect. The writing, directing, and animation are all just higher quality than this stuff usually gets, even if it’s executing a pretty standard genre exercise… it’s airy, but it’s not stupid. Yura herself is definitely a huge part of what gives this show some actual bite – hopefully they continue to use her personality and imagination as well as they did this week

Free! – Episode 5

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Dear Diary,

My thoughts congealed in a familiar pattern on this day. But how could I help it? How could any resist the temptations I suffer?

How it vexes me.

Consumes my thoughts. Torments my dreams. Drowns out every waking moment in its sloshing, seductive gurgle.

The water. The water. THE WATER.

Those nattering fools think they understand. A compulsion, they say. How could they understand? Does the water speak to them? Whisper its’ sweet nothings in their unhearing, unmoistened ears?

No. Of course not. They are children of mundane instincts. Their comprehension will always be limited. I shouldn’t despise them for that – I should pity them. And I do!

Oh, how I pity them.

No, no, I mustn’t think that way. It is not their fault. They mean well; giggling, empty-headed Nagisa, proud Rei, Makoto…

Oh, Makoto. That gleam in his eye – does he know too much? Could he suspect my true thoughts? He sees himself as gentle overlord, assuredly – and why not? If I remain vigilant, if I offer no hints of my own thoughts, it would seem obvious to consider him king in a land of fools. He cannot know. He must not.

Calm yourself, Haruka. Consider the water – graceful, ever-flowing, untroubled by our crude frames. The water does not acknowledge adversity. The water embraces and lets past and is still again. Untroubled by my grasping strokes, or even by Rin’s…

Rin…

No. No more of this. I must sleep, for tomorrow the charade must go on.

But soon.

SOON!

Episode 5

Dear Diary,

0:21 – Our torsos were unamused by Gou’s nonsense this morning. She lives in a strange, dedicated fantasy, but it is a harmless kind of madness. Not worth my attention.

0:34 – As always, her distinctive hair, Rin’s hair, sent my thoughts adrift. An idle comment almost revealed me, but fortunately the fool Nagisa was thinking only of Rei, of whom he has taken responsibility. Nagisa does not concern me – unsurprisingly, it is Makoto’s suspicions that I must assuage. His charming, nurturing smile hides a conniving mind

2:45 – It is little surprise to me that Rei’s narrow, superficially aesthetic-minded sensibilities could not possibly appreciate the beauty and sorrow of my work

3:05 – Makoto plays out his charade of leadership. It is simpler this way – none can deny his skill in leading the simpletons, and as long as his goals mirror my own, I am content to play the jester

3:13 – His gaze turns to me. The moment is critical – I must project calm authority, but remain the willing subordinate, displaying no threat to his command of the situation. I consider a moment, and deploy my words with care

3:16 – His pride is untarnished. The charade continues

3:43 – Gou has found a beautiful object. Her mouth jabbers senselessly of islands and regimens, but does nothing to diminish the grace of the poster

4:06 – As Gou’s inane nattering reaches a fever pitch, I center myself, taking mental refuge in the water’s calming, fluid grasp. Sometimes their foolishness is simply too much to bear

4:25 – Even the stalwart Makoto is no island. Gou stumbles blithely onward. She is oblivious to the tender fragility of a man’s heart. His vulnerabilities are clear to me, but I am no romantic. His weakness is my gain

4:50 – Her monologue is interminable. To survive, I must be like the water. I struggle to maintain my composure – bellowing for silence would not serve my goals

5:05 – How he scours himself for the team. His sacrifice is admirable. Foolish, but admirable

5:13 – The fools laugh as I contemplate the infinite grace of the still pool, the subtle truth of its’ reflection. To attain stillness is to become empty, and reflect all shadows but your own. My fingers send ripples through the water, but reflect only my own disturbance – it is not the water that is disturbed

Also, apparently we’re going on some kind of swimming trip

5:37 – Sometimes I believe our advisor is playing on a higher plane than any of us. There is a warped coherency to her evasions

5:44 – Makoto extends a peace offering. Could I trust him? Sometimes the weight of my own thoughts seems too much to bear alone. If I were to…

No. Foolish. It is merely another ploy. I accept the popsicle graciously, but remain unmoved

6:08 – As if a plebeian such as Gou could understand the subtle distinction of a well-fitted suit. My rage seethes

6:27 – Mere generosity? Ludicrous. What is his game?

6:29 – Ah, a power play. Deftly done. My estimation of his skill rises as I munch softly on the popsicle

7:07 – I reflect soberly on mortality. The goldfish knows not of its’ past or future – it is a living moment, an extension of the water. If only I could achieve such presence

7:36 – Nagisa and Gou babble in unison. My aggravation is poorly masked

9:12 – He speaks lightly of concerns beneath us both, gracelessly masking his trepidation. We may not be allies, but he is a worthy foe – it is beneath him to be debased like this. I am forced to act

9:15 – The moment lingers. Unlike the water, my shadow is long and black. My pride is too strong

9:55 – The moment passes. His words do not console me, but they are enough. Though our paths may differ and our goals may never join again, for one brief moment, our shadows merge. Perhaps, one day…

Dear Diary,

10:16 – In keeping with the solemnity of the occasion, I have selected my finest sweater

10:53 – Gou displays her usual grace with subtext

12:17 – Again she flaunts her idiocy and lack of all taste. My desire to strangle her intensifies, but I remind myself Rin would likely disapprove

12:32 – No. Impossible. Why now? My panic rises, and I forcefully remind myself I am wearing my best sweater

12:35 – Death and calamity, Rin is here. And me, stranded in the company of these mewling children. My cheeks flush. The air feels cloying and damp, my sweater no solace, suddenly a joke, a travesty, a fumbling satirical jab at the very concept of fashion or taste. His swimsuit is perfect. His swimsuit is the ideal. The lines perfectly complement his fluid, agile form, complementing those wild, burning locks that Gou defames like a sick joke. His stature is firm but never stiff, confident, as willing to shift and impossible to shake as the water itself. He stares forward with a whimsical half-smile, the only one whose eyes can truly see the grand, ethereal joke. The only one…

12:51 – Gou’s fumbling implicates her yet again. I could kill all of them for this

13:01 – Nagisa’s chipper nonsense forces me to action. He cannot ruin this, not now, not here. The plan will be followed. But his flippant words tempt me like a hook on the line. How I wish I could simply discard my machinations, how this careful waiting and adjusting and aligning tortures me… oh, to simply be as the water, to flow where I would, to spring gaily upon that linoleum floor and announce my tortured psyche for the world to hear!

But no. Rin’s cherished pride would never allow such an evasion. Such selfish whimsy would be a debasement of all we’ve fought for. My options are few, my margins narrow. As much as it pains me, however my heart rallies against it, I must contort and contrive and abuse those narrow cracks that just might lead to a happy end. Stillness, Haruka. Be the water. Be the water

13:15 – His piercing eyes are evaded, for now. But soon. Soon!

14:06 – Our advisor’s cunning is apparent once again

14:33 – Even in Gou’s absence, Nagisa maintains the appropriate level of aggravating frivolity. I remain cool

OOC: 15:04 – Oh my god this is the most amazing thing

15:17 – The plan must succeed. If dignity must be sacrificed, so be it

15:38 – My sympathy extends in spite of myself. Like the water, my hair flows free

17:06 – Makoto’s expression of honest competition moves me. Like a fever inside me, the question writhes: Can I trust him?

-Begin Excerpt-

18:06 – Momentary shock, but it’s pretty obvious. More of her silly schemes – surely the boys are here, Makoto, Yappy, and… him

18:15 – She’s always been like this. Doesn’t she understand the stakes here? I could meet them, sure – but would Haru’s pride recover? He’s always been sensitive, as much as he tries to act tough and above it all. Honestly, it’s one of the things I like about him. But here, now? God, if only I could throw away these training pants and form-fitting suits, and just live!

But swimming is still there.

It’s always been there

18:33 – How insensitive can she be? No, stay calm, you know that damn temper will be the death of you, Rin. But did she even once think to consider Makoto’s feelings?! Are those boys just some kind of game to her?!

18:58 – It’s no lie. I would give anything to simply throw this all away. But Haru… well, it’s just like him, isn’t it? All I can do is train, and smile, and hope

-Excerpt Ends-

19:49 – Rei’s emotional weakness leaves me unmoved. Such situations demand a Makoto

20:06 – Your leadership is appreciated, Makoto. Bunk me with one of these yappy, insecure children and they’d be dead by morning

Dear Diary,

The plan continues apace. Barring Makoto, my instruments are temperamental and foolish, but they will serve. Save any true idiocy on their part, our paths will flow together once again, merging and intertwining in the fluid future where all rivers eventually meet. I must be patient. I must be graceful. I must be still.

SOON!

The World God Only Knows S3 – Episode 5

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The saga of Lelouch and the Seven Goddesses continues. Or is it six? Crap. Can’t remember. Anyway. I find motivated but put-upon and aggravated Keima far more amusing than generally disinterested Keima, so I’ve been loving these past couple episodes. Unlike most shows with allegedly smart protagonists, this show makes no secret of the fact that he’s surrounded by idiots – in fact, his living in a world where people are so simple that dating sim rules actually apply is pretty much the entire point. His dealing with the tiresome fact that everyone will inevitably fall in love with him has been pretty recently fantastic. Don’t worry, Keima. We’ve all obviously been there.

Episode 5

0:42 – “You’re not dating all my sisters, are you?”  “Meh, can’t say.” Keima don’t give a fuck

1:01 – KEIMA DON’T GIVE A FUCK 

3:24 – I love this show for its’ sophisticated humor 

3:36 – Keima’s flawless shy tsundere  impression

5:15 – Oh god 

6:02 – Apparently!  There’s just something about  this season 

7:20 – I guess the rest of the class is taking this  pretty well

11:17 – Wow, Keima can actually activate his own shoujo sparkles 

11:41 – Yui brings out all of Keima’s best faces 

12:19 – Keima should do all his scheming in one of those ridiculous maid headbands 

13:12 – “Mom and Dad are so busy, I never get a home-cooked meal… I’m so happy I could cry.” Oh man, pulling out that plot angle, eh? She might be better than you, Keima 

13:26 – Don’t worry Keima, I’m sure you’ll get used to it 

14:17 – Do anime hoodlums practice that expression in the mirror or something?  Is there a handbook for that sort of thing?

16:26 – “On the battlefield?” “Well, it’s ancient history now.” Because it’s literally ancient history. 

18:01 – Jeez, this is one elaborate ride! 

18:16 – Oh, it’s demons. That makes more sense

19:06 – This is awesome. I figured they’d just be making straight gags out of the Yui/Keima gender role stuff, but now Yui is actually fighting to save a catatonic princess Keima from the forces of hell. Rock on

19:51 – Oh shit Keima you so crafty

And Done

Right, and their teacher is just hanging out on the roof. That’s where I do all my foreboding contemplation.

Anyway, that episode was again pretty great, mainly because the Yui/Keima dynamic is way more interesting than the standard captures. Because of this, it worked well despite pulling back from the capture-juggling of the last two episodes. We’re kind of running out of Goddesses to capture at this point, so I guess we’re nearing the point where all the hell nonsense becomes relevant again. I’m not sure how they’ll handle that drama, but I’m mainly interested in seeing Keima as the leader of a hell-fighting team entirely composed of goddesses representing girls who want to jump his bones. That seems… complicated.

Neptunia – Episode 1

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Management: Yeah, you read that title right. I basically wrote this piece on a drunken bet, so… well, I mean, I go into caveats at the beginning of the rant, but I really should double-clarify. This is essentially a roast, and as such, it basically breaks every single rule of thoughtful, respectful criticism I’ve ever articulated. If you want sensitivity, look elsewhere today – this gets angry pretty quick, and gets mean soon after that. Now that I’m sober and coherent, I’d just like to say if you watch Neptunia, I don’t actually hate you as a person – I really do think it’s extremely sexist and I really do think that rewarding stuff like this with financial success means we get more empty, pandering fluff, but that doesn’t diminish your right to watch what you want in the privacy of your own home, regardless of what drunken-me may try to convince you of in a moment. Your watching this show doesn’t hurt anybody, especially if you torrent it and fail to reward its’ creators. And… er, I guess I just preemptively apologize. This post is not a thoughtful critique meant to start a compelling discussion – it’s just pure, raging id. Alright, Dr. Jekyll signing off.

Hopefully anyone who’s reading this knows my schtick. I critique stuff, I talk about storytelling, I get passionate about things I find compelling and get pissy about things I find offensive. Anyway. It was recently brought to my attention that maybe a couple people might find me writing up something as inane as Neptunia amusing, and it just so happens that right now I am quite drunk (I’m on vacation leave me alone) and not terribly interested in watching anything worth paying attention to. So here we are. Caveats!

  1. I really am drunk. Not even “comedy-writeup Free! semi-drunk but still focused and determined to create comic narratives” drunk – I am actually inebriated. That means I’m probably going to be more loose with the words and the judgments than the level I generally try to maintain
  2. This is fucking Neptunia. I’m only watching it because people want me to destroy it. And destroy it I shall – my only knowledge of this show is that it’s based on a videogame that postulates “what if the game consoles we depressingly identify with were personified as moe fuck-things?” and that every image I’ve seen of it involved some astonishingly brazen rape fantasies
  3. I have yet to write (and honestly may never write, since I don’t know what audience would actually appreciate this) my essay chronicling the course of the moe aesthetic from Rei to K-On to OreImo and Sakurasou. Long story short: I think there’s an element of moe that does indeed fall within a protective, parental instinct, and I think there’s another element that wants to fuck the shit out of helpless vegetable-women. Guess which side I think this show will fall on

I THINK THAT COVERS IT. Welcome to the show, motherfuckers. It’s Neptunia

Episode 1

0:00 – My head is so deeply sunken into my hand right now. Can’t believe I’m watching this

0:16 – The city is called Gamindustri. That resembles a joke

0:27 – It really has been quite some time since I’ve watched any serious bullshit. The imaginary anime industry bubble I have created for myself (composed of the the 2-3 good shows and 3-4 semi-respectable ones each season) is indeed a pleasant fantasy, but I suppose it is only proper that I occassionally visit… this

1:13 – Their entire fucking population is sexy anime girls?!? Seriously people, this is so goddamn stupid. There is so much porn. WHY are you spending time listening to this hackneyed, embarrassing exposition when you could just be watching the actual anime sex you’re clearly here for? So many people worked so many hours to create this drivel. THERE ARE THEMATICALLY UNENRICHED CHILDREN IN AFRICA

1:27 – “Today, we rise. This dress is no match for our strength!”

Gawd I can’t believe this shit. How far in are we? Minute and a half. Great. Making good time.

Alright, no, this is good. This is a test. You know that “I don’t agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” shit? This is like that, except for me and my policy of “everyone gets to like what they like and that’s fine.” Because seriously, I couldn’t imagine more banal, tasteless, pandering shit than NO! I CAN DO THIS. I CAN RESPECT PEOPLE’S RIGHT TO ENJOY NEPTUNIA.

Okay. I’m cool. Moving on. How far in are we? Fuck.

1:33 – Fascinating. Seriously, there really is a lot of actual porn out there. Not lying

1:52 – HOW can shit like this even PRETEND to have a plot? WHYYY

2:20 – Right, because no amount of tits will make otaku accept an actual woman as a protagonist. Nope, better switch back to our genki moe thing

2:36 – Wait, now each of the leaders transforms back into whichever school of dere fetish they represent? Is this secretly a parody? No, right, it’s just honest

2:51 – Porn has better writing than this. They have given you a genki, tsundere, kuudere, and ojou/tits, and now they are going to have them walk in circles and dance for you. I fail to see how adding a sad, stunted narrative to this actually improves the gratification

Alright, at this point I should probably just add a fourth rule, since this shit is clearly going to demand it

4. Attacking Neptunia pretty necessarily involves attacking the entire mindset which would consider Neptunia a thing that should exist in any universe ever. Every moment I am watching this show, I am imagining all of the dollars and man-hours that were spent making this a real thing that exists as opposed to something which has even the slightest ounce of legitimate value to any living creature. I am begrudging it those dollars and hours. I am taking it out on anything in the vicinity

2:58 – Deeply moving ceremony? I’ll drink to that. And never stop drinking

3:06 – She plays videogames! Just like you! You have so much in common. You are validated. Never change, never grow. Consume

3:38 – Because we didn’t already know this show was talking directly to its audience.

4:08 – What can I possibly say about this show. It is the summation of the self-destructive culture forcing anime into an artistic ghetto. If it were any worse it’d be Ro-kyu-bu

4:59 – “We’re the strongest party with 100x the bonds! You’re one of us too!” This OP is remarkably honest about this show’s intentions. As OPs tend to be

5:20 – Fun fact: No one has ever run like this. Ever.

4:57 – She fidgets as the camera focuses on her thighs, and then moves the meaningless plot forward. What is the point of mocking something that is more porn than story

6:09 – “Wrong! You know where Shares come from, right?” Nope, but I’m fairly sure you’re going to gracefully explain it. I assume the camera will continue to focus on tits as we get through this tedious exposition

6:52 – So all these characters are supposed to represent computer or videogame things, I guess? That sounds like a thematically rich vein

7:16 – “Man, I hate getting lectured.” It’s like the show’s actually using how uninteresting its’ conflicts are to make us empathize with its archetypes

8:05 – “I have no intention of helping an enemy.” Aww, you’ll come around. Your audience’s interest in the fantasy you represent demands it

8:57 – In this world, all your computers are moe archetypes, and all those archetypes have little sisters. Please. Please just let me die

9:10 – So I guess the current conflict is the leader of one of this universe’s actual countries is lonely and wants a friend. Glad to see I wasn’t wrong to not take the worldbuilding seriously in the slightest

9:27 – Wait, the show is actually expecting us to care about the emotional problems of these transparent tropes? What’s the pitch for this show – “it’s like porn, but much more tedious”?

9:55 – Oh look, she’s following in her sister’s tsun footsteps. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be endearing or mockingly self-aware

10:05 – God this show is boring

10:28 – Oh jeez, kuudere gets two imoutos? They’re really going out on a creative limb here

11:31 – Of course ojou’s tits bounce every time she talks

I really don’t understand what makes this watchable. It’s porn + the most obvious, cliche, uninteresting narrative possible. I just…

12:01 – “Teach her how to be a goddess out on a mission.” Oh, thank god, maybe something will actually happen.

12:35 – I guess they didn’t think we understood the point of this outfit.

12:39 – Get it yet?

13:19 – “Sure, I want a great country too, but I’d rather things be fun!” That is correct. Do not attempt to improve your circumstances. Consume. Neptunia understands you. Consume

13:39 – Sure, why not

14:36 – “Rule three: impress people by making a good showing.” What does that even mean? Does that just mean “impress people by impressing people?” Oh, right, I was supposed to just be looking at the tits during that line

15:13 – Haha, they die just like in a videogame! You know, like those ones you play? Consume

16:11 – In a normal show that wants you to actually care, I’d talk about how the lack of any definable stakes here renders the conflict utterly without tension. But of course, that’s not the point here – the point here is to sell sex and CDs and videogames and hopefully a lifestyle that continues to prioritize such things

16:19 – Oh boy, it looks like we’re selling something even more special today

16:24 – And you thought your rape fantasies weren’t welcome here! This writeup might seem a bit hyperbolic, but I have literally never watched anything nearly as bad as this, at least as far as a single episode goes. This is quite easily the worst thing I have ever seen

16:28 – YOU SEE HOW OVERT THIS IS, RIGHT? People, this is WHY MOE IS CONSIDERED CREEPY. Yeah, okay, maybe some of it is about fatherly instincts or whatnot. But this, right here? This is about RAPING MOEBLOBS WITH THE MINDS OF CHILDREN.

I don’t know what to say. If you assign me a show that is everything wrong with anime, I’m gonna say it is everything wrong with anime

16:31 – Welp, I guess someone’s into it

16:47 – The face of terror

17:08 – I rest my case

18:13 – Oh jeez, I hope tsundere doesn’t get in over her head, forcing her to be rescued by the power of friendship or anything!

I just… it’s a show filled with stories and characters designed for children, but they’re all also portrayed as sex objects and molested by monsters. I hope these animators are proud of their work

18:59 – And there’s step one…

19:08 – …and step two. Again, I guess that’s not what I’m supposed to be paying attention to. But also again, in that case, why bother with this silly charade? Re: so much porn

20:05 – Little girls who transform into women when they’re in trouble. I wonder what fantasy that’s playing to… hm…

20:57 – Aww, don’t you love it? Because our market data indicates you should love it. Consume

21:01 – That’s right, guys. Because when you get past all the gross exploitation and simplistic plotting and one-note characters and inane concepts, we’re all really here for the half-baked, openly demeaning moral center

21:42 – And the camera pans to a mysterious glowing artifact. Could this be the key to some greater conflict? Are dark forces brewing in the dark darkness? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO-

22:07 – Oh look, it’s Team Rocket. So I guess they’re just openly admitting this story is as mature as Pokemon, except designed for people who want to fuck the characters

22:54 – “Woopsie, I forwarded the rape pictures to the entire country! The comments are all pretty positive, though.” Of course they are! Here in videogame viewer fantasyland, everyone understands that rape fantasies just mean you love those characters even more!

And Done

Holy shit done. Am I EVER done. I don’t think I have ever been more done with anything in my life. Time to go wash my hands. And then take a shower. And then shear off every finger that touched the keyboard attached to the computer which harbored these tainted, cursed files. I mean, I knew anime got bad, but this is… this is so bad. Dear god. I can’t even… what could possibly compel someone to…

I’m gonna go lie down

Uchouten Kazoku – Episode 5

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Last episode pulled the family together for the closest thing to a resolution the show’s demonstrated yet – but of course, this show isn’t normally about neat resolutions. It’s about people. That’s why it’s good. It employs great craft of storytelling, but it’s not telling tales – it’s just documenting the lives of some people. That they happen to be very interesting people, and that the world they inhabit is rich and colorful and lovingly articulated, and that their conflicts and turmoil reflect on issues of family, maturity, and self-image that are utterly universal? Yeah, that’s probably just an accident.

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Monogatari S2 – Episode 5

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Alright Monogatari, time to tell us what the fuck is going on. Araragi and Kanbaru are out there… somewhere. Doing something – possible tiger related, possibly not. Shinobu is on her own (or maybe not, who the fuck knows what happened during that massive chapter skip last episode), the tiger is threatening Senjougahara and Araragi’s homes, and Hanekawa has decided the moment has arrived. No more playing house with Senjougahara or the fire sisters, no more relying on Neko to sweep the bad feelings away. It’s time to wake up.

Episode 5

0:00 – Actually very excited for this. If there’s one thing Monogatari arcs know how to do, it’s nailing the dismount.

0:41 – “I buried you for my own ego.”  It’s all coming together!

1:17 – “So I’m saying this for the first time: please help me.” And… character arc concluded? I mean, that was kind of it, right? Honestly admitting a need to rely on others, no longer accepting fate as it presents itself and defending herself with an overtly flawless and unfazed exterior? Yep, looks like we’re done here. Pack it up, guys!

1:45 – “A new segment my heart has cut off from itself.” Artfully put, Hanekawa

2:20 – Loving this constantly-reassembling montage. Shinbo’s going all-out

2:37 – Show off all you want Shinbo, I love it 

3:22 – “Stress and envy. Anxiety and agony.” That’s sweet characterization, but it’s also what’s made Hanekawa so unrelatable for so long. It’s hard to relate to someone whose negative emotions are immediately swept up and removed – not only does she intentionally create her own facade, her apparitions constantly perform mental surgery to support it. It puts everything in a pretty satisfying context

3:42 – I’ll take feats you can only perform in animation for 500. This sequeeeence

5:39 – “Just by having a home to go back to, why do I feel like I can do anything?” Interesting. So Hanekawa’s acceptance of the situation has at least given her stress a home, even if she still considers herself homeless?

6:22 – THESE… COLOR SCHEMES… HNNGGHHHH… 

7:26 – But seriously, all anime looks the same, amirite?

8:01 – “I don’t know everything, but everything burns.” Isin is having too much fun with that catchphrase

9:01 – “Doesn’t she know better than anyone that the concept of ‘natural parents’ is nonsense?” Ooh, sick burn, tiger!

9:44 – “I am a machine. I will not be moe. ” The tiger is firm on this

12:18 – Massive pallete shift when Hanekawa takes over. Interestingly, the exterior world has shifted from artificial bright white to natural near-blacks

12:47 – “I don’t want to be ‘real.’ I want to be human.” Man, in the context of this series, a line like that…

13:03 – “Let’s eat a meal together.” The catalyst that started both the conflict and the actual arc, and the simple act they spent an entire episode demonstrating her ability to do with Senjougahara

13:34 – When narrative catharsis fails, try electricity 

14:40 – “She called me part of her family!” Does Isin have problems at home or something? Family troubles on the brain. Also, dear lord these shots 

15:35 – These GODDAMN TEXT SCREENS. This is actually the first episode I haven’t paused to read all of them. Frickin’ Daisuki player…

16:35 – Bet you think you’re pretty cool, huh, Araragi? 

19:00 – “I’ve always wanted him to pat me like this.” …yeah. Well, Araragi did have to come back to actually resolve the envy/“I never told him” thread. His hero act kinda makes me gag though

Oh wait, holy shit, this arc is from Hanekawa’s perspective. This is *Hanekawa’s* Araragi

20:09 – Fantastic. I love the shift from “Oh jeez, I got rejected” to actually embracing her emotions as she draws back the apparitions

And Done

Whew! What an episode! Maybe it’s just cause it was narrated by the actually-coherent Hanekawa, but that was a really satisfying arc. Everything resolved in extremely cathartic fashion, the threads tied together in a very neat narrative bow, there were a number of standout scenes (that “drawing her sadness back into herself” has to be one of my favorite moments of the series so far, and the Shinobu/Neko conversation was also great), and dear god was it beautiful. This show is always beautiful, but this episode was gorgeous. Firing on all cylinders indeed – this will be a damn hard act to top. Nice work Isin, nice work Shinbo. That was fantastic.

Gatchaman Crowds – Episode 4

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Where is this show going? Last week we switched from generally “grounded” genre satire to a full-on exploration of social media and critique of traditional modes of societal organization and leadership. How did this happen? I amloving this so far – the visual and aural design are great, the pacing and writing are snappy, and Hajime is almost too good of a protagonist. That might actually become a problem, if she continues to be smart and authoritative and empathetic and grounded without any push-back to give her a little more believable humanity, but hopefully her philosophy will end up clashing in some satisfying way with the equally fascinating and seemingly high-minded (asexplained in awesome detail by the irrepressible /u/SohumB [+1]) Rui.

So! This show’s always exciting, but things are now actually building to some ridiculously interesting points. And the Crowds! The Crowds are loose! No more talking time for gatcha

Episode 4

1:13 – Not surprising – the Crowds seem to give the diffused crowdsourcing of talents a physical form. I like that he activates them with that “Play the Game” of the gamification, as well. I can’t wait to see how this all goes wrong

1:47 – “Have faith and wait – GALAX will not abandon us.” Also interesting. Relying on authority figures can be considered a way of shuffling responsibility upwards, whereas crowdsourcing diffuses that responsibility – but both could be considered methods of relinquishing personal responsibility. Not that these people are currently able to take charge of their situation, but too much reliance on this system has already been admitted to be its’ own problem. Hajime seems to understand this very well, and has already personally taken great initiative in a variety of situations – I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop on her unflappability

3:54 – Goddamn that OP is great. Easily my favorite of the season – vivid visuals, great mix of animation and actual footage, and the song is perfect for the show. Also, there has never been a more perfect casting than Aya Hirano as a hard-drinking alien panda. So glad she’s getting work again

5:17 – “I wasn’t the one who saved them. It was Crowds.” No sooner does this show raise an idea than it questions and possibly discards it. Crowds gets exactly one scene as an unquestioned good before Rui ties it in to that point of relying on an outer framework versus being self-reliant.

5:35 – “Gatchamaaaan…” And four episodes in, we’re already messing with our electronic networks  to show how reliant we are on our experience-mediators. Robotics;Notes took like fifteen!

6:05 – Their hideout design sure does allow for some lovely shots 

7:01 – “I didn’t manage to finish it off this time… but I will for sure next time.” See, in a normal version of this show, I’d figure Joe or at the very least Sugane would be the protagonist. But nope, this show’s got too much actual shit to get to, so we get Hajime

7:20 – Hajime’s deep concentration face 

8:05 – “Listen, do not get involved!” Yeah, that’ll work. Hajime’s super good at following orders 

9:16 – “That bad Gatchaman said it was our fault, right? That’s super bad!” “I’ll settle the score with it.” “That’s not what I’m talking about!” I wonder how long her silly mannerisms will keep her teammates from realizing she’s always thinking at least a couple steps ahead of them. Who cares if they can stop the thing, the important thing is what it said, and what their leaders’ reactions to that information implied

10:14 – “Exposition exposition , I also lost my best friend because of it…” This scene, eh. This show’s normally much better about implying information than this, and generally assumes the viewer can make intelligent assumptions based on the least necessary information. This conversation’s plenty efficient and written naturally enough, but I feel they could have implied all the salient stuff through two well-chosen sentences and a pointed look between the pair of them

10:45 – “A trigger to cause the humans to destroy each other.” Well, that’s kind of a big clue

11:24 – “You’re the only reason I became a Gatchaman.” “Who knows how long you can have fun drinking?” Yeah,these two  are such an intentionally standard hero pair it makes me wince. The show isn’t letting the social media ideas keep it from having fun with this genre

11:59 – “Look at all these sources of traditional authority! Our town is so safe!” Please don’t bait the narrative, Hajime

14:40 – Aaand there’s Rui’s backstory in about fifteen seconds. Efficient storytelling!

15:21 – “If everyone found out their hero was in a contract with someone like me…” That’s too easy. The system’s failure should come from its’ own inherent qualities, not from an outside negative element. Not that I think this show is dumb enough to muddle its’ own ideas like that – but many shows introduce a really compelling “What if?” scenario, only to resolve it in a meaningless way when A MONSTER ATTACKS RAAA

16:36 – “Humanity’s black heart…” What’s the angle here?

16:42 – “We won’t ask for help from any heroes.” Who thought that it’d be a good idea to make a show ostensibly focused on individual superheroes instead focus on the power of collective intelligence and collective action? All the raises

17:33 – “If it’s that amazing, shouldn’t GALAX handle politics and police work?” And the conceit rears forward again

17:55 – “GALAX is amazing, but it’s not good.” That is an incredibly well-chosen sentence, Hajime!

18:12 – “Even if the world went up in a big, red blaze, you’d save people, right?” I like how Hajime is working out the kinks of a philosophical argument no-one but herself is actually having

18:38 – So, the mother acts angrily/selfishly, she is copied into a destructive doppelganger. What was the prelude to the other takeovers?

Also, Rui is looking lovely tonight . Between him (I’m guessing, he/she hasn’t straight-up said what he/she identifies as) and Yasaburou , this is clearly the summer of confused boners

19:42 – It’s finally begun, Rui-Rui!  Finally! I was getting kinda bored, what with it being all of seven minutes since these two were established as having a contract.

God this show’s pacing is awesome. So few shows have the glut of plot, characters, and ideas necessary to move events forward this quickly

20:46 – “It’s like our disaster prevention department might as well not exist.” They sure are setting up a lot of dominoes here. I’m just hoping GALAX fails for a satisfying reason

And Done

What a crazy world we live in! Good thing GALAX is there to protect us, eh?

Yeah, probably didn’t need to hear that rephrased by every single citizen. Still, this episode moved at breakneck speed as always, establishing and destroying the link between Rui and the destructive alien, setting up the outside world for its’ coming reliance upon and subsequent betrayal by GALAX, and even sparing a little time to characterize virtually every single member of the central cast. Hajime still has yet to make an actual misstep, and I still have that lingering fear that GALAX’s downfall won’t be indicative of anything beyond the bad guy controlling it (there are plenty of reasons to question an age of crowdsourced responsibility beyond the fear of evil aliens taking it over), but this episode was still fast and exciting and obsessed with its’ central ideas. It is incredibly rare to find a show this thematically focused that’s also this propulsive and watchable – normally you either get the rollercoaster or you get the lecture, and combining them this gracefully is a goddamn impressive feat.

C3-bu – Episode 5

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Hey guys. I’ve actually been pretty damn excited for this episode – I’m desperately hoping they’re committing to the craziness which consumed the second half of last week’s episode, which was far more interesting than the by-the-numbers genre fare of 2 and 3. Time travel? Reality warping? Honestly, I’ve considered Gainax dead and buried for half a decade now, but if they can keep up this Haruhi impression, I’ll happily give the heart monitor another glance. Once more, for old times’ sake.

Episode 5

0:00 – Welp, this might be a problem: no beer. Meaning… meaning I’m going straight for the hard stuff. The last time that happened, I ended up doing a writeup for the first episode of fuckin’ Neptunia . I can’t go back there, you guys. They have cigarettes where there’s s’posed to be eyes

0:15 – Yessss. Startin’ off right in crazy town 

1:51 – Not sure if I’ve mentioned – I actually really like this OP. The visuals are standard, but I like the prechorus and I like the instrumental breakdown. I generally don’t talk about music choices because J-pop ain’t my thing, but I approve

2:12 – I like that she just sleeps with the gun  now. Also, Gainax still has a way with faces 

2:36 – They rowed a raft  to this deserted airsoft island. Obviously. Of course

3:07 – Yesss… YESSS… 

5:27 – Ehh, this battle is fine, but now I’ve been spoiled by crazy. I didn’t un-drop this show for passable airsoft action!

5:45 – Granted, that  IS pretty adorable

7:09 – Yes, by all means.  BOTAN MUST DIE

7:36 – Again, this is looking suspiciously slice of life . If last week’s insanity was a one-time thing, so was my un-dropping this show

10:01 – “Let’s win again tomorrow!” Oh how your hubris blinds you, Yura!

But seriously. If she doesn’t reshape reality or Kanbaru doesn’t make a move on her quick, this show is in serious trouble again. If this stays default sports/SoL, I won’t actually have to watch it to know everything that’ll happen

11:00 – Alright, now we’re gettin’ somewhere.  It’s also just nice that they’re attaching this degree of insane self-seriousness to Yura’s ability to play airsoft good

11:22 – Again with the great faces.  KyoAni is still probably better, but Gainax has managed to maintain some of that loose, effortless-seeming charisma that I’d figured Trigger would have entirely stolen

12:14 – Really, Commie? You translate “itadakimasu” as “Lord, we thank you for nothing ‘cause we brought it all ourselves”? Commie we need to talk

13:08 – …damnit Gainax. I guess some things never change 

14:23 – They are killing me with all these shots . My first assumption is always romance (which I’m an absolute sucker for), but obviously in the context of this show it’s just sports-development (which I couldn’t care less about). Whatever, just go back into crazytown, C3-bu

16:02 – Wouldn’t airsoft in swimsuits… hurt? Like, a lot?

17:20 – Now that’s just silly 

20:59 – I have to admit, I’m amused. 

22:05 – As the glow of victory fades, Kanbaru’s thoughts are clouded.  Indeed, they had won the day. But at what cost?

And Done

Well, that was certainly more funny and entertaining than the 2nd and 3rd episodes. But… aaaaah, commit to the craziness! I don’t need a mediocre Girls und Panzer imitation, I WANT INSANITY! The fights here are just too goofy and ungrounded to actually maintain tension – the fantasy sequences help, but they don’t make things truly exciting, they just make them a bit more funny and unique. If this show’s going to pull it together, it’ll either be through actually committing to the craziness that made 4 so interesting, or through actually internalizing the fundamentals of compelling sports drama. GET ON IT!