Hey folks, and welcome the fuck back to Wrong Every Time. You ready to finish some Symphogear? This has been a journey seven years in the making, with Symphogear’s very identity shifting substantially over the course of its season. From a debut season heavy on body horror and cliffhangers, Symphogear has steadily gained narrative confidence and a clear sense of joy, honing its found family instincts and building up a whole squad’s worth of lovable murder idols. And in spite of embracing every possible manner of insane dramatic indulgence, the franchise’s narrative bones have remained strong, evincing not just the explosive highs, but also the firm dramatic skeleton that defines great action media.

If anything, I’m almost sad the show wasn’t more indulgent in its treatment of endearing villains like Noble Red or the Autoscorers. Symphogear introduced so many charming characters that it simply didn’t have room for all of them, but XV has done its best to celebrate all the adorably nefarious foes that have come before. And with the team themselves now “falling, burning, and disappearing, then,” it appears we’ve come full circle, ready for a final confrontation with one more would-be god. Let’s take it to ‘em, Wielders. Let the song in your heart take flight, and hold a determination to fist. Let’s SYMPHOGEAR!!!!

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Hello folks, and welcome the heck back to Wrong Every Time. Are you ready for the penultimate episode of Symphogear!?!? Yes, it has been a long and frequently minigun-pockmarked road, but we’re at last nearing the conclusion of this modern action classic. Standing proudly on the shoulders of giants like JoJo and Nanoha, Symphogear is proud to answer every call of “too much?” with a resounding “not enough,” and has somehow found a way to outdo itself for five seasons straight. But all good things must come to an end, and it would be an utter tragedy for Symphogear to ever fall into predictability, so I’m happy to see the show concluding at the peak of its powers.

When last we left off, a computer containing the soul of a Sumerian deity had just explained to our heroes that the villain is now both a language and a DNA sequence, making directly punching her a little trickier than usual. But I have confidence that Elfnein will ramble off several sentences of nonsense that everyone else nods gravely at, eventually resulting in Shem-ha transmuting into a more punchable body. Let’s see what everyone’s favorite pint-sized scientist has cooking, as we barrel towards the conclusion of SYMPHOGEAR!!!

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Hello everyone, and welcome the fuck back to Wrong Every Time. Today we’re barreling back into Symphogear, as this preposterously entertaining franchise soars towards its grand finale. When last we left off, Noble Red had made yet another last stand against our wielders, prompting the episode’s supremely awkward title, “Not a Crude Color of Rust.” Their unfortunate crew actually scored a victory in terms of their mission goals, but Elsa paid the bill for that success, by getting caught in an oversized transforming bear trap. That’s the tricky thing about fighting the symphogears – their powers are basically only limited by their imagination, so you never know when Hibiki or whoever is going to wipe a tear from their eye and then transform into a giant punch-happy dragon.

With only three episodes to go, I’m expecting the action to be nearly continuous from here on out, as each of our leads gets their big goddamn hero moment in turn. Symphogear knows well that there’s hardly a hair of distinction between “success” and “excess,” and given how ludicrously bombastic its prior endings have gotten, I can’t imagine what’s in store for its final finale. My harness is secured and the lap bar is firmly fastened, so let’s get this rollercoaster rolling!

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Hello folks, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today the sun is shining, the birds are trilling, and we’re watching some goddamn Symphogear. When last we left off, Hibiki had just emerged from her doctor-prescribed Pit of Despair, the place she generally visits before rallying for a given season’s final battle. Having once again lost Miku to the allure of jet-propelled pants, she was forced to commiserate with her father, who for once actually had some reasonable advice for her.

Meanwhile, our sword lesbians were busy hashing out some disagreements in the only way sword lesbians can. Kazanari’s violently nationalist philosophy was frankly too distant from Tsubasa’s values to ever present a genuine allure, but where authentic philosophical conflict fails, brainwashing can serve in a pinch. I’m not particularly bothered by that admittedly clumsy turn; having Tsubasa be caught between familial legacy and personal feelings was a natural direction to take this story, and ending it with Kazanari literally killing his son in order to impart his values to his granddaughter felt like a perfect capstone for his role in the narrative. It’s the ultimate counterpoint to his claims of working to protect the family: in the end, nationalists will sacrifice anything for the sake of their own glorious self-image.

With XV’s political thread having pretty much resolved itself, it’s time to get personal, as Hibiki fights to save her wife from some new god-summoning ritual or whatever. However things turn, I’m sure the battles will be absolutely spectacular for Symphogear’s grandest of finales. Let’s get to it!

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Hello everyone, and welcome the fuck back to Wrong Every Time. Are you ready for some Symphogear? We’re currently barreling towards the climax of one of anime’s most bombastic productions, having just run through a gauntlet of familiar and much-loved faces. With Miku’s life on the line, the villains of season three rallied for a dramatic counterattack, as both the Autoscorers and Carol herself squared off with the beleaguered Noble Red. Inevitably, of course, all their efforts were in vain: the beating heart of this series is the bond between Miku and Hibiki, and thus there’s no way it could end other than a reprise of Evil Miku.

Frankly, if Symphogear’s team had known from the start that they would last for five seasons, I doubt they’d have expended a dramatic resource as emotionally charged as “Evil Miku” back in season two. Miku has always been Hibiki’s emotional rock, and thus Hibiki’s story was bound to end on an interrogation of their relationship, with their feelings illustrated through grand acts of visual mayhem. Let’s see just how love conquers all, as we return to the grand finale of Symphogear!

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Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today we’re returning to the battlefield of Symphogear, just in time for one of its most distinguished Symphotraditions: the last-second arrival of a former enemy, now forming an unexpected rescue party for our intrepid heroes. Dr. Ver is dead-dead and I’m pretty sure the season four villains disintegrated into pixie dust or something, so it now falls to the once-ruler of the Autoscorers to hold strong. That’s right: Carol Malus Dienheim, Alchemist Extraordinaire and Murderer of Miracles, has joined the battle.

Given the simple fact that it’d be more exciting and dramatically meaningful for this season to end on  a reprise of Evil Miku, I’m guessing Carol’s last stand won’t be too effective in defending Hibiki’s wife. But Carol certainly knows how to put on a show, so let’s sit back and enjoy the fireworks, as we surge towards the final conclusion of SYMPHOGEARRRR!

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Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today we are storming right back into Symphogear, as it has been far too long since I watched a girl punch a tank, assault the moon, or sing a laser barrage into existence. Regardless of the specifics, you can be certain any given episode of Symphogear will contain at least one preposterous impossibility, frequently complimented by a commentator grimly explaining that Ah yes, when the Shroud of Turin is draped over the Nimblypimbly of Gertrude, of course a giant laser explosion will result. Guided by excess and grounded by its charming idiots, Symphogear is one of anime’s greatest works of pure, gleeful indulgence.

Last episode was certainly no slouch in that regard, as we witnessed the introduction of Ogawa’s glorious Car Clone Jutsu. It’s a rare show that can introduce boob missiles only to immediately eclipse them with something sillier, but Symphogear is a rare show indeed. With an ominous light now piercing the horizon, let’s return to the battlefield of SYMPHOGEAAAARRRRR!

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Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today I am eager to return to Symphogear, where we last left our team in what experts refer to as “some deep shit.” Still bearing the guilt of her recent concert-massacre, Tsubasa lost control during her last battle, and ended up scorching the city while imagining Milaarc around every corner. Meanwhile, the real Milaarc was off terrorizing the group’s most helpless members, as she hunted down Miku and Elfnein. All told, this has not been a proud day for the wielders, and it seems like things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

That’s all to be expected, though; we’ve hit the halfway point of Symphogear’s final season, so it’s clearly time to put our team through the ringer. With only half a season of Symphogear to go, I’m guessing these episodes will be diving into the show’s most fundamental character conflicts, as we reaffirm the bonds between Hibiki and Miku, Tsubasa and Maria, and Chris plus the babies. At the same time, we also need to square off with the architects of the divine relics, and might even find time for one last high-five with Fine. Our schedule of narratives to resolve is stuffed to the brim, so let’s not waste any more time, as we return to the explosive drama of SYMPHOGEAR!!!

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Hello everyone, and welcome the fuck back to Wrong Every Time. You all ready for some SYMPHOGEAR??? It’s been altogether too long since Hibiki last punched somebody, and I think we could all use a little righteous fury right now. Plus, we’ve at last reached one of my favorite supergroup staples: that part where your financial/political backers betray you, and you find yourself a bunch of wanted outlaws.

It’s a pretty handy dramatic conceit, for a variety of reasons. A betrayal like this introduces a great deal of uncertainty into the narrative, making the cast seem far more vulnerable than before, and thus creating a greater sense of challenge for the tasks ahead. Additionally, robbing the cast of their institutional backing forces them to reckon with their own values, as they are forced to choose between personal justice and society’s preferred justice for the first time. That personal struggle will in turn inform this season’s thematic trajectory, as the wielders challenge the nationalist rhetoric of Kazanari. And of course, it’s also just fun watching a team like this cope with less-than-optimal conditions; seeing the wielders deployed as a scrappy guerilla group is a payoff in its own right, demonstrating how their strength has nothing to do with their institutional power.

So yeah, I’m pretty pumped for this turn in the story, and excited to see just how badly Kazanari fucks this up. Symphogear villains have overreached in the past, but with the architects themselves in play, I’m guessing Kazanari’s reenactment of this meme will be the show’s most satisfying to date. Let’s get to it!

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At last, our grand mastermind has been revealed! After several seasons of blustering for a return to Imperial Japan and being a general dick to all of his relatives, Fudou Kazanari has revealed himself to be an even more heinous figure than anticipated, and an outright traitor to the Symphocause. This time, victory for our heroes might demand outright rebellion against the Japanese government, as warmongers at home and abroad squabble over the fruits of alchemical research, and the terrible relics left by those who came before.

In structural terms, this reveal aligns the whole Symphogear organization on a dramatic axis the franchise has been favoring from the start: the perpetual conflict between duty and desire, as your orders contradict your human emotions. Most of Hibiki’s allies joined her after discarding the shackles of duty, and even many of her enemies have walked that same path, regardless of whether they joined the team or evaporated in a cloud of narrative-simplifying mist. Now it looks like the Symphogear team as a whole will have to shed the patriarchal bonds of its Japanese stewardship, in order to… join the larger, chosen family of our global alliances? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that metaphor works. Anyway, we’ve got punches to get to, so let’s not waste any more time poking at Symphogear’s thematic architecture. LET’S GET TO THE BATTLES!

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